P-Word

I didn’t write yesterday. Other things I did not do yesterday: take the dog for a run, put away my laundry, pick up my books from the library, call my mother.

I started out the day motivated….but it takes a lot of energy to manage Eli within the context of work and the larger family unit, and sometimes the weight of it is just too much. So I took a nap during my lunch break, and after work I watched Derry Girls and TikTok and did a crossword puzzle. Here’s the important part: I did not beat myself up for slacking off, I let myself soak it up.

In the past, when things got to be too much and I retreated, I would have called it procrastinating - as if letting myself rest and recharge was not a thing in and of itself, and could only be defined by the things I did not do instead. But then by calling it “procrastination,” I would have ruined all of the lovely, cozy, decadent feelings that go along with shucking off a chore to snuggle in under a down comfortor with the dog in front of the television. And by that terrible P-word spoiling the loveliness, I might have ended up in fact not actually re-charging, just putting off chores without feeling an ounce better.

Here’s what I know now: I’m not a lazy person. When I am in that all-taken-care-of state, I *love* to be productive. I’m a hard worker; I relish immersing myself in work, play, projects, chores. When I’m not loving these things, it mean I need to stop and take a peek inward to see what’s needed. And sometimes it’s Derry Girls. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯